i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
