I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
this just has baby written all over it
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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