Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
