She tied me up with her honor cords...
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
