We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
