you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
My dad just said "fuck circus"
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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