I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
