The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
