dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
