And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
