I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
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