He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
