i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
