dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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