how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
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