i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
