get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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