so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
