you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
