holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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