That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
