i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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