I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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