I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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