she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
she smelled like a LAN party
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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