Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
