I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
