I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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