If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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