i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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