Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
