yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
