I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
