no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
