bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
