The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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