hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
