so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
