Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize