This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
