i always forget guys have bellybuttons
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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