i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
