oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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