My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Randomize
