Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I would ride that face into the sunset
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
