i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
How does one acquire holy water?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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