Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
