I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Life is so much better after having sex.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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