he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
