the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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