I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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