Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
