coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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