I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I think I just sharted jello shots
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
