I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
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