Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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