you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
