i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
