Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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