you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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