Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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