I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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